It's late (or is it early?) - Chris Ullrich dot net

It’s late (or is it early?)

Yes, its me. Insomnia guy. Why the hell is this happening? I have limited myself to one Starbucks (or similar) beverage per day and that is usually right after lunch. So that shouldn’t be the problem.

I use it go get over the post-lunch tiredness. You know what I mean. You go to your favorite joint for a bite and enjoy the hell out of it. Then, about an hour later (sometimes less) you start to feel tired. I know I do. Although it doesn’t happen all the time so I really don’t know what to make of it. I have a doctor’s appointment next week and perhaps I will ask about it.

I hope the doctor will have time for my questions. See, its annual physical time and you men out there know what I am talking about. Its’ the one thing we guys have to worry about. Women have many, many problems and ways to get ill. We have one big one that can really do us in if we don’t watch it.

This is one of the main things that can kill us men. I know of two people, my father included, who have had Prostate cancer. Sadly, only one of them survived. It was my father, by the way. As you could probably tell from my Father’s Day posts, he is still alive (or I am very, very tired and see dead people).

So, that’s 50% of the people I know personally who have not survived. Great odds, right? I don’t want to harp on this too much and really don’t want to dwell on the morbid but for those men that are reading this I just want to tell you one bit of advice: Don’t be afraid to let a Doctor stick their finger in your ass. It’s for your own good.

Believe me, its probably as awkward for them as it is for you. I’m pretty sure they are not enjoying it. This is the one thing that we should not be afraid to do. Sure, don’t pay your taxes on time, slack off on taking out the trash, drink beer all day and watch the game, go to strip clubs and drop hundreds of dollars on a stripper named Destiny who you are sure really likes you. Do all that stuff but don’t be an idiot and go get checked.

That’s it. I’m done with the touchy-feely crap. I just don’t want anyone to die due to ignorance. i want them to die in a drunken stupor while doing X in a Jacuzzi with four Supermodels. That’s the way we should all go. (at least the men in the audience).

Check out more info on what I’m talking about. They do good work there and have lots of good information.

In other news, that John Stewart is a funny mofo. If you haven’t checked out his show “The Daily Show” on Comedy Central you are missing out on a great time. Set your TiVo for a season pass immediately. If you don’t have a TiVo, go get one. Now. I’ll wait. If you don’t know what I am talking about at all, ask someone who is cool to tell you. Then, follow their instructions and go get a TiVo.

Ok, that’s better. Now, set a season pass for “The Daily Show”, “Deadwood”, “Six Feet Under”, “The Shield”, “Nip/Tuck” and reruns of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”. That should get you started.

I will get into other shows along the way. Right now, I feel like I may actually be able to go to bed. Will wonders never cease. If only I could have done this a few hours ago. Well, you can’t have everything and some things you really don’t want so who knows? It’s all a pretty random cluster most of the time but try to have fun with it anyway.

I know I do.


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  • Anna Marie Ross
    June 27, 2004 at 9:30 pm

    Don’t forget the PSA test. It’s a little easier than the finger up the ass.
    Good luck with your insommnia. I recommend warm soy milk and a cold compress on your forehead to soothe your seething brain. If that doesn’t work, get a dog and walk it every night… and stay away from those strip clubs.