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Death

The Saga Continues

star-trek-movie-1

It amuses me when people post to their personal websites/blogs that they are not, in fact, dead. I’ve even done it myself. Probably more than once. Hey, here it is again: I’m not dead.

See, that wasn’t so bad.

The truth it I’ve been in a bit of a funk and haven’t had the motivation to write anything. I’ve been a bit down. A little on the low side. Bummed out. Sad, even. Why, you ask?

Well, I’ll tell you. It’s not my death that’s the problem, it’s my mom’s. Yes, you read that right, my mom passed away. It’s actually been a couple months now and I’ve had a bit of time to try to get used to it.

But if I’m being completely honest, I’m really not used to it . . . and I don’t think I ever will be. I think that’s okay though. I don’t think you’re supposed to get used to it or get over it.

You just learn to live with it.

On that note I’ve been trying to think of a fitting tribute to my mom and, perhaps, write something here that will do her justice. So far, I’ve pretty much failed.

What I can do is tell a story.

It was 1979 and the movie version of one of my favorite TV series, Star Trek, was finally coming to the big screen. It was called Star Trek: The Motion Picture and it would open on that Friday in December to mediocre reviews and somewhat disappointing box office.

But STtMP’s relative success is not really the point of this particular trip into the past.

The point is my mom let me skip school on that Friday, drove me to the theater and waited in line with me from the early morning until we were finally seated and where, in spite of the reviews, I had a great movie-going experience.

That’s the kind of mom she was.

Sure, some could argue allowing your child to skip school to see a movie isn’t the best example of parenting. But that doesn’t really matter. What matters is she encouraged me … in whatever direction I wanted to go.

Even if she didn’t exactly understand, or share, my passions, she helped me figure out ways to indulge and pursue them. She was always there for me whenever I needed her and whenever I wanted to try something new. No judgements, few questions, just support and love.

Even when I made mistakes, she was there for me. That happened quite a bit, as it does when you’re growing up. But with her help I learned from those mistakes and became better for it.

These are the things a parent does. It’s what my mom did. I would not be who I am today without her. I only hope I end up being half the parent she was.

It’s a lot to live up to.

A Few Words About Loss

I don’t want this post to turn into anything overly maudlin or depressing, but given recent events, I just wanted to say a few words about loss. I will try not to kill your buzz too much.

For the most part, I’ve been very fortunate in my life. I almost always get to work with great people, have a lot of good friends and caring people in my life, work on interesting and fun projects and generally speaking, up until recently, I’ve never had to experience any type of loss of a family member, friend or other generally catastrophic event.

Then, a few years ago, my father died.

A month later, one of my best fiends since childhood died. Then, I got divorced and had to completely change my living arrangements, how I viewed and lived my life and my feelings about the future. Two months ago my favorite Aunt died followed, this week, by my favorite Uncle.

But wait, there’s more. During the time my father was ill and around the time my childhood best friend died, I also had a brief period where I thought I was sick. This is something almost nobody knows.

In the end, it turned out to be nothing. But let me tell you, the time between when you first discover something and the Doctor tells you it’s nothing can seem like a fucking eternity.

I don’t recommend it.

My Uncle dying this week has brought to the surface a lot of feelings about death and loss. The sad fact is we’re all going to die someday. I hope for all of us that day is a long, long, long time from now. However, we just don’t really know.

This time two days ago my Uncle was planning a vacation with his family. He had gotten a diagnosis of Leukemia last year but it had responded to treatment and he was doing well. Then, he got sick. At first, it seemed like a cold but it got progressively worse. 48 hours later he was gone.

This is the part where I roll out the chestnuts and tell you that every moment of life is important. I don’t care if countless people have said it before, and better. Doesn’t make it any less important.

So, for those of you who still need to hear it (and the rest of you who think you don’t) here it is:

Make the most out of life because you never know how long you, or your loved ones, have. In other words, life is short. Get it? Good.

I know I promised not to be overly maudlin or depressing, so I’m trying to end on a high note. The good news is most of us will have a lot of years to live our lives to the fullest and every day is a new chance to do something great and wonderful for yourself, for others and to live your life to the fullest. Take that chance and run with it.

See, that wasn’t so bad.